Went down the Trail this morning, and came over all deep and meaningful within a few steps of leaving the flat. Which is all very well of course, but when you're listening to Abba songs and finding deep philosophical meaning in Dancing Queen, you know it's time to shake the shit out of your brain and reboot.
Oddly enough, I only managed to actually do that after consulting Wendy, who advised "walk faster and change the freakin' tune." I walked faster, and kept listening to the Abba. It was actually during a spirited rendition of "On and On and On," which, perversely, does posit a deep and meaningful question - "Who am I and Who are You and Who are We?" - yeah, exactly, ponder that while you're trying to Disappear and redefine who you are, why don'tcha? - For the last hill on the way home, I was light and free of thought, and just revelling in the exercise of muscles and the pumping of lungs.
None of which is really relevant to the day. The day really is about another excuse, and the reasoning behind it. Today, as well as my day job, I've been "so-close" to finishing an edit. All day. And despite having worked on it since the day job was done, it feels like I've been just as "so-close" all day. And I'm still just as "so-close" now. The point of which is that I've been telling myself all day that as soon as I was "done", I'd jump on the bike. And the edit hadn't got shorter, so the bike has stayed unjumped-on. Which, all in all, is irritating and energy-draining.
On the other hand, I did a comparative unofficial weigh-in this morning, to test yesterday's apparent niceness of the Nazi Scales. I figured it was possible yesterday's result...which I'm still not gonna tell you...was an aberration following a day at Starbucks. But apparently not, which was good to discover. But man, I need to complete some stuff. I need to turn "so-close" into "so-done", and then I need to jump on the bike and feel my heart pump and the sweat pour and the music roar in my head till I feel like it's exorcised the need to push and power and not bloody think, and just be a creature of physical effort again. That too feels, at the moment, "so-close". Tomorrow...and tomorrow...and tomorrow...dammit, tomorrow I get beyond "so-close" and the bike and I get back together after what has felt like a self-enforced break-up. Enough diversions and deadline-excuses. Sick of so-close now.
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