Tuesday 4 June 2013

The Fart Margin

Back to normality after an UberCommute day. Trail this morning, cereal breakfast, lunch of four piees - yes, four, fuck you, with a butter scraping and a tin of tomatoes on. Back on the bike this evening, and a light supper.

In between all of which of course, there was the weigh-in.

OK...you'll now by now I have a somewhat...erm...florid turn of phrase sometimes. Many of you will have heard me say that, for instance, half a pound is the equivalent of a really good fart.

Well, check this out - this morning, when I got on the Nazi Scales, I weighed in at 16st 0.25. A single quarter-pounder away from the milestone of 16st, and of course, given the scales on which my Nazis work, a half-pound from seeing my first 15 in...probably over a year...damn, was gonna look that up before I started writing this. Hold on...

Ah - well that's interesting - on the 5th June last year, I weighed 16st 3.75. By the 12th June (following one of what are clearly my mannnnny  Re-start weeks), I was down to 15st 8. So clearly this week is something of a landmark time of the year.

Anyhow, this morning I saw 16st 0.25 and went stomping off in a bad mood, all sweary words and "Waaagh, it's all ruined!" - you know, like the overgrown two-year-old I occasionally am.
As part of the stomp-fest, I'm gonna have to tell you this - had myself a deeply satisfying (but...ahem...unproductive) fart.

"Right...fine..." I told myself. "I'll just call this 'The Bonus Feature Week' - the extra bit you don't expect...and next week, 15s for sure..."

But I'd still left the Nazi Scales out. And just before stomping off to work for the day, I figured I'd double-check the result.

15st 13.75.

I kid you not. My always prodigious system had conspired to produce a half-pound (and I have to stress again, entirely unproductive!) fart! A fart that, once released to seek its destiny, had shifted me over the borderline and given me my first 15 in almost exactly a year!

So....what the Hell? I tried the scales a few more times, just ot make sure it wasn't a fluke, but no - it's a repeatable result. Back in the 15s, baby - albeit by the margin of one big fart. Next goal of course...

...well, I say of course, but actually, there are two. At 15st 9, I'll have lost two stone since this - clearly, proper Re-start. And then at 15st 7 - yeah, that'll be a biggie - I'll be back to having lost five full stone since I started this thing back in 2011. Also, from there, there's only about one stone to go before my previous best on this journey. So two milestones coming up, one of them a mini-break, one of them a big proper "look what I've done" nauseating ego-fest.

Coming along?

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