Up The Down Escalator

You ever done that thing where you stand at the bottom of a downward-moving escalator and try and walk up it?
That's life at the moment - everything seems like an enormous, ridiculous, utterly draining waste of time...

Still, gotta laugh, haven't you?

Work - about which I'm genuinely not complaining, honest - is wave after wave of words. Dad's health feels like running to stand still and be carried irrevocably backwards. And my Disappearing...
It's been one of those weeks where nothing has been doable - between deadlines and visiting, I've done practically no exercise, and with eating out quite a bit after visiting hours, my calorie intake's been high. So this is not going to be a good week's weigh-in.

Oh in addition, there have been news stories today proclaiming that it's 30 years since the launch of the Commodore 64, and 25 years since the launch of the Lost Boys, so I couldn't feel older if my life depended on it.

So let's face a fact here - this is not gonna be me jumping up and down and happy dancing come Tuesday.
My life feels out of control in a number of directions. Hasn't really been in control since March. I remember writing the blurb for my September walk donation page. I was about 15 stone at that point, and I wrote "God knows where I'll be on this journey by September..." For the mathematics fans out there, if I'd stuck to my two-pounds-per-week rate, I'd be 13 stone round about now. In all likelihood, I'll be back up to 16 stone 7 pounds on Tuesday. Three and a half stone behind schedule.

All comes down to discipline of course - my discipline remains broken. I've had good weeks, solidly disciplined weeks. But I have the distinct feeling that to make real progress, what I need to do is shut this down.

The Disappearing Man, phase 1 took me from 20 stone 7 pounds to 14 stone 9 pounds, and then back up to (probably - let's see on Tuesday) 16 stone 7 pounds.  I have a feeling that what's necessary is a brand new beginning - new blog, new rules, new discipline, new...everything. Disappearing discipline, financial discipline, all kinds of discipline. I'm going to take tomorrow to see what my brain tells me...and then maybe come Tuesday, we might begin Disappearing 2.