PMSL

People have different goals in life. Some want vast personal wealth. Some want carnal knowledge of huge numbers of the opposite - or indeed their own - sex. Some, poor benighted souls as they are, want to write down the engine numbers of all the diesel locomotives in service between 1952 and 1968. Each to their own.

I have one main goal that's not Disappearing related. I want to make people pee themselves with laughter.

I've done this a couple of times. My pal Mary succumbed on a couple of occasions...including the first day we met in Hamilton, Scotland, when I told a story about a high street store declaring itself an independent state and annexing the hanging baskets of a neighbouring store.

Yeah, clearly, you had to be there.

I've made d's best and lifelongest friend Lori lose control once...which is worth mentioning as it's her 47th birthday today (wink...wink, wink...) today. Honestly can't remember what made her lose it.

Made my ex lose control a few times, but that was more to do with her chronic need to Disappear (Yeah, I'm a bitch....you didn't know this by now?) than my skills as a humourist.

So far...eight years in...I've never quite made d lose it. On some occasions, I'd like to point out, this has been down to the fact that she has weaker lungs than she has a pelvic floor - so instead of losing bladder control, she'd stop being able to breathe, and then I'd have to get her an inhaler.

Tonight though....tonight I sooooo nearly got her (she lives in Wales now, not London, so she doesn't cough up a lung nearly so often!).

Again, I have a feeling you really had to be there for this one.
We'd had an evening "off" visiting my dad, as he's had a great day and Ma wanted some time alone with him. We'd gone out for a meal that, in the spirit of having the night off was fish and chips and sue the fuck out of me!

Then we went to Aldi's. Aldi's a store where we have a history. Tonight, with a limited budget, we went for just a handful of items. As I paid, d wandered off to look at the potted plants.
"Don't even think about it!" I called.
She shuffled back, looking sheepish.
"I just want a palm tree!" she declared.

See...the reason we have history with Aldi's is because we have a stunning inability to leave there, normally, without both a handful of DVDs and a potted plant. Normally, this is in addition to our normal groceries. so Muggins here ends up staggering the several hundred yards, up a couple of flights of stairs, wobbling under the weight of some new demented chunk of greenery.

"I know you do!" I replied. "Look, we're going to Cardiff tomorrow, so we'll be absolutely dropping with assorted Stuff, we can tip the donkey then!"

Not, all in all, that funny a line. d almost lost it. She laughed all the way out of the store and half the way home, clutching her stomach to retain bladder control...

I'll get you one day, my pretty...and your little dog too...

Blood was 6.3 this morning, for anyone keeping score. have to say, I'm probably screaming towards 17 stone again - mentioned this yesterday I think. Sigh...Disappearing vectors. Just a matter of numbers and vectors and work, oh my!