The Self-Image Deception

Got up at 6.30 this morning. Not my idea, frankly, but d is showing faith in me.

Generally, I've always hated it when people showed faith in me - it's tended to mean they're taking me too bloody seriously. But in a spouse, the occasional bit of seriously-taking, and indeed the occasional bit of faith-showing, can work the human equivalent of miracles - not least by making the faith-recipient believe in themselves when needed.

So d has installed an alarm clock in our room, that I don't, truth be told, now how to turn off or alter. So at 6.30 every morning, the wretched thing is going to screech in my ear, give me a brief heart attack, and make me get out of bed and refrain from smashing it against a wall.

Went to the gym with Ma this morning - y'know...since I was up.
Did some treadmilling, some arm-pulling, some up-sitting, some back-stretching and a chunk of bike-pedalling. Left feeling all sorts of good and energetic and virtuous about myself, sliding a hand down my belly and convincing myself it was a bit flat-ish.

Then I got on the Nazi Scales.
17st 6.75, they said.

Zoiks!

Just goes to show how wrong a self-deluding person can be, I guess. So of the original 5.5 stone I lost, I've now put 2.5 back on. That sucks. It's been fun, but it still sucks.

Thing is, there's always faking it till you make it. Discipline, even when not imposed by the self, will have some effect, presumably. So the clock, when it screeches in my lughole at 6.30 tomorrow, will induce me to go walking down the Taff Trail with Ma before work. And so on...Time, surely, to get some sort of discipline back in my life. I'd like, I think, to be at most 16 stone 7 pounds fore Christmas - so, 14 pounds in 9 weeks (yes folks, 9 weeks TODAY is Christmas Day. Panic now. Panic long and hard and mighty....right now!). Should be achievable, shouldn't it? With a bit of discipline and a nauseating clock?

Let's see what happens...