The Penguin Principle

There was a game when I was a kid, that seems to have morphed over time into the basis of a shedload of "surveys" across the social media. The game was "Which are you?"

Which Star Wars character are you? Which Superhero are you...from each universe - Marvel? DC? Which sitcom are you, etc etc...

In many versions of this game, I was a split personality. Which Winnie-the-Pooh character are you? Well, I was the brain of Eeyore, stuck in the body of Pooh. And most particularly, in the "Which Batman villain are you?" version, I liked to think I had the brain of the Riddler, stuck, waddling along, in the body of the Penguin.

I offer this preamble to explain that I never much cared for the Penguin. Penguins per se, absolutely, they were fab. But humans that looked like penguins always rather irritated me...

Is there a point to this? Yes, there really is, I promise - stick with me.

I've never owned a Dinner Jacket (or tuxedo for the Americans). I've never wanted to own one, because I don't want to look like that - all black and white and round and waddley.

Of course, my dislike of the outfit on me was also heightened by the one time I was asked to wear one for a works do, and I walked into a hire shop, and asked:

"Would I be able to-"

"I hardly think so," sneered the assistant. I walked out again. 

So I've never owned a Dinner Jacket, and never worn one.

But now I have to. It's the uniform for performers in the choir. I was up at Ma's today, and she offered me one of my Dad's DJs. I tried it on, and while it absolutely doesn't do up, it will probably do, at least to get me through this Saturday, which is the annual concert of the choir.

The trousers on the other hand were a no-go. They were size 36, non-stretchy, and there was a significant belly-wodge  over which the material would simply not go. I'm hoping to buy a cheap pair of size 38s ahead of Saturday. It was a sobering moment, realising I'd expanded by not only two stone, but also two sizes. Something will be done, of course...you've heard all that before. I'm sick of saying it this year. 

Energy, discipline, routine etc. We all know what needs doing to get this going again. Why I can't seem to simply do it is anyone's guess....

This is where I waddle away, like a sad, disconsolate penguin...

Raaaaaaaaaaaaawk...