The Tale of Heracles Antonius and the Hydra

And it came to pass that Heracles Antonius did wander into the swamps of StuffToDoTodae, and set himself to work, clearing a path through all the weeds that blocked his way.

And at his hacking through the weeds, the great many-headed Hydra, Listofshit, was awakened, and did roar at the hero mightily, with rank breath of remembrance blowing in his face.

And Heracles was sore surprised, and saith:
"Fuck a duck, didn't I kill you last week?"

And the Hydra did laugh in all its throats, and say: "Not bloody likely mate, thou hadst a five day weekend, and I have grown stronger in thine absence!"
And Heracles said:
"Bugger."

And Heracles Antonius set to, lopping down the heads that were on the Hydra, one by one, and each time he sheathed the sword of his endeavour, more heads had grown to take the place of those he lopped, and every head did laugh.

And Heracles waxed vexatious about his task.
Snick! and the head that was known as DayJob fell at his feet.
Slash! and the head entitled Business web-Site was conquered.
Sloosh! and the head known as Favours Forpals was lain open before him.

And still the beast did laugh, through just as many mouths as it had had before.
And Heracles did look unto his gods, and saith:
"Gimme a freakin' break here!"

But nay, saith the gods. Nay, nay, and thrice nay, with extra nay on the side for being a whiney wuss-ass. And the Hydra laughed more heartily than e'er before, and made to overwhelm the hero as he paused, resting over a smallish plate of beans on toast.

"Sod this for a game of thrones," saith Heracles Antonius, and kneed the Hydra right in the goolies. "There's more than one way to skin a mythical beastie."
And the Hydra could do naught but agree, in a very high voice, and keel-ed over, and died...
...for another day.

And Heracles sighed in relief, and recorded that his blood had a sweetness of 5.7 that day, and his weight was 15 stones, and one quarter-pound besides, having crossed the border of his desire once more, much to his melacholy. And so the hero got onto his two-wheeled Disappearing chariot, and pedalled his way beyond the borders of StuffToDoTodae, heading for parts unknown...