A Small To Middlin' Day

Blood back up to 6.3 this morning, but given the lack of meds, I'm OK with that.
Essentially eschewed the opportunity to grab life by the throat this morning, and instead, piddled about having a nice lazy morning, while d made a great egg and bacon baguettey breakfast thing, which I practically inhaled.

d went to shower, Ma arrived, I didn't answer the door. Admittedly, I thought she was the bratty little kid next door playing a game, cos she was early, but nono, there she was.

We went to the cemetary, where I ranted, as I always do when we go there, to a friend of mine who killed himself about 11 years ago, about what a stupid git he'd been, and what he was missing. Went to see if I could spot my bio-dad's stone, but couldn't.

Note to self - GPS tracking units for gravestones, for those who don't care that much and are geographically incompetent.

Second note to self - work on the marketing of this idea.

After popping by to see my grandma's stone, we went on a Good Friday shopping spree to Ebbw Vale - a local-ish retail complex. d, and Ma, were firmly of the opinion that I need new clothes again. 

Came away with a bumper haul - Shirts, polos, new nightwear, new jeans and an allegedly waterproof jacket for walking.

The result of this spree was two-fold. Firstly, after seeing myself in the changing room mirror more times than is healthy for any Disappearing person, it was clearly impressed on me that...man, I have a long way still to go. I'm not exactly spherical or ovoid any more, but I'm still a solid pillar of flabby flesh, which needs working on with, in all probability, a more focused and targeted exercise regime than I've been doing up till now. Certainly, I now have that thing they call a muffin-top. And while I personally love the look of a muffin-top on women, on me it sort of just sits there like uncooked dough. So yeah - need to get on with things.

Secondly, it was pretty inspiring throughout the day, to compare and contrast with the last time I went there on a shopping-for-clothes spree. Particularly with the jacket, which at first I resisted like a monk - d had handed me a Large one, because of course, that's been the instinct for a long while now. In fact, it was a pretty optimistic choice - normally, even for the last year or so, I've been in XL territory, down from at least XXL. But today, the Large was wayyyy too large. I went down to a Medium, it looked better. More human, less Shrek. But still...
"Do me a favour baby - hand me the Small?"
"d was almost speechless, and there was a sense around her of being on the verge of tears. She handed me the Small, and I turned away.
"If you start wearing Smalls, I'll be soooo proud..." she almost sniffed. I zipped up the jacket, turned round and smiled. d clapped her hands together.
"Wow," she said.
"Pretty much," I agreed, though the impact of wearing Small clothes didn't really hit me for a while.

In the end, I opted for the Medium in any case, so as to be able to wear a couple of thick layers underneath it while walking. Likewise, in the shirts, I ended up opting for Larges rather than Mediums because while, yes, I could get into the Mediums, for now, I want to give myself some leeway. Maybe the next time I go, I'll be in Mediums, pondering Smalls all over the shop. While d went to pay for some of this (she insisted! I felt kinda like a Mob girlfriend, being bought some pretty things!), Ma and I spotted some nightwear sets reduced by about 80%...but they were only available in Small.
"Ah, screw it," I said, deciding to buy them.

After all, gotta have a dream to whine and bitch about and punch yourself in the head to achieve....right?