Thursday, 16 June 2011

The...erm...Light Side?

(Tony Skystomper sits in a Tattooine diner, licking pasta sauce off his fingers. Yoda approaches, furrows his brow.)

Yoda: Hmm...Unwise you have been, yes? (Sniffs). Many carbs have you eaten.

Tony: (lets out a monstous, Jabba-the-Hutt belch) Yep. So?

Yoda: Mmmm...much bread the Skinny Jedi do not eat (pokes Tony with stick)...mmm...

Tony: Yeah, but there are two ways to look at today, right?

Yoda: No! One way! Only one way leads to Skinny Jedihood..the way of the lettuce this is, yess....

Tony: Shut it Greeny! What I mean is, I can stress and freak and bike my ass off every single day, and get all restless and mental and trippy. Or I can say "Y'know what? I have to chill the Hell out some times. It's not like I've been quaffing melted butter from a duck's arse or something. I've had a couple of chicken sandwiches and a small portion of pasta - whaddaya gonna do? Force-Bitchslap me or something? Oh and another thing, why don't you talk the right way round, for God's sake?

Yoda: (Poking Tony repeatedly with the stick). Up! Up! Up onto the bike you must go, yes. The pedal paves your way to really dull clothes and a cool weapon...hmm...

Tony: No bike in the States, was there? I'm doing....stuff...I'm doing stuff and I'm too damn busy tonight to get on the bike, and I'm not gonna freak out about it, and you're not gonna make me feel bad about it, so nehhh...!

(Yoda turns and shuffles away, shaking his furry-eared little green head)

Yoda: Mmm...remember this on Tuesday you will...mmm...

(Tony lets out another colossal belch).

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