Screw You, Hercules!

I'm halfway through reading The Iliad at the moment, so my brain is buzzing with Greek heroes and their inevitable, ineffable, unbloodyending quests - killing monsters and finding fleeces and piddling about in minotaur-mazes and the like. But I have to tell you, after last night, I reckon they were all a big bunch of wooly-willed wusses.

I mean, yeah, Hercules might have killed the Nemean Lion, he might have tamed the three-headed Hellhound Cerberus, he might even have mucked out the Augean stables, but let me ask you this - did he ever cycle twelve miles without actually getting anywhere in a foolhardy quest to see his feet? No, I don't think he did.

Did he cycle twelve miles on a day when all he wanted to to was dive into an enormous vat of chantilly cream with his mouth open? Nnnnnnnnnope, don't think so.

Did he cycle twelve miles on a day when all he wanted to do was dive into an enormous vat of chantilly cream with his mouth open while watching Man Vs Food on the TV? Hardly think so, the lily-livered wuss-ass.

Annnnnd just in case you're not getting the full picture here, did Mr Big-Muscles Lion-Killer Cerberus-tamer Hercules ever cycle twelve miles on a day when all he wanted to do was dive into an enormous vat of chantilly cream with his mouth open while watching Man Vs Food on the TV and while his darling wife wafted through with a giant bowl of chocolate brownies in deep, thick, glorious steamy chocolate sauce? Hellno, he was too busy poncing about the place going ooh look at me, I'm a big macho hero-guy.

So until Hercules can do what I did last night, he can kiss my flabby white ass, frankly.

Of course, technically, once I'd finished the biking, I had a tiny fluttering of the damned sinus tachycardia, but hey, no-one ever said being a hero was easy!

Today has been mainly about biking, tidying up, and proofreading. And to some extent about Ambrose Bierce, for reasons that only make sense if you go here. Essentially, I'm just trying to maintain the good results of my surreptitious midweek weigh-ins till Tuesday, while getting on with alllll the other stuff that I have to do these days. Fun fun fun - hoping to stay up late tonight to do some actual writing. But shortly...yep, you guessed it, I'm getting back on the bike.

Or The Bi-Wheeled Chariot of Jupiter, if you prefer.