The Orca Inadequacy

Didn't go gymming and swimming when I woke up this morning. Instead, I discovered some deeply crucial huddling under blankets that really needed my attention. That done though, I got up, did some work, had some breakfast, and went to the gym.

Now - I don't have swimming trunks as such. I have swimming shorts, largely on the basis that the more body-mass that can be covered during this activity, the better it is for myself and others. So today I decided to cut a corner, go and work out in my swimming shorts, then drop down and do the swimming before coming home.

Then I pulled them on.

Ahem...

You know that moment in Jaws when the scientist guy calculates the size and bite-ratio of the shark while they're on the boat hunting the bloody thing, then turns to his two companions and grimly announces: "We're gonna need a bigger boat"?

We're gonna need some bigger shorts.

Welllll not really. I daresay they would still, just about, work - today I did the work out portion, hovered on the doorway to the changing room, saw a shitload of screamy little locust-kids come through the door, and checked out, with only the work out done.

But...yyyyeah. Clearly the weight I've put back on has changed the shape of my body. I came home to an email from Play.com - kinda like Amazon, but smaller - showing their daily deals. Having a quick scroll down, I spotted a bathing suit for women, called The Orca.

I'm really not kidding. Some genius somewhere decided to target a swimwear range at women, and named it after a freakin' whale. Nevertheless, I think what I need right now are Orca-shorts, quite frankly.

But, oddly enough, none of this is yet impacting the calm, or the determination, or the Get-This-Doneitiveness of the new campaign. It's only Monday now. I don't, now, weigh in till Thursday (do not adjust your internet, folks who missed the relaunch of the Disappearing Man - I weigh on Thursdays now, not Tuesdays...), so let's see what can be done between now and then.

Now...away to the bike!