The Desktop Cow Scenario

There are some conversations that you really have to be there for.

Last night, having had a fantastic day in Cardiff, editing and writing and drinking Starbucks, as we prepared for bed, I was sitting in the bathroom, and d was in the bedroom.
"Glad you had a good day," she said. "See, we could set you up with a coffee station there in the office," she added, the thought evolving in her head almost visibly. "You've got the kettle already, I can get some Coffee Mate or something...Oh!" she said, turning to look at me. "You've got those...those..."

And then, at perhaps the crucial moment, she gave up on verbal communication entirely, and trusted to mime. she held up both hands, and seemed to be pushing something down a pair of tubes.
"Cows?" I guessed. d exploded into hysterics at the concept.
"Desktop cows?"
She was laughing now at something in her own head.
"Absolutely!" she yelped between huge gales of laughter. She picked up an invisible desktop cow, poured it into an invisible latte, and squeezed.
"Squeezy-squeezy!" she said, before bending almost double in hysterics. By now, I had joined her in the laughter, as the idea of a small herd of desktop Fresians wandering around the place grabbed me.
"Gotta be careful where you squeeze them," she advised me, striving for seriousness, "or you'll end up with chocolate milk" - and then she lost it again. "And...not...in...a...good way!" she gasped out between what were now sobs of laughter. It's worth pointing out at this juncture that it was pretty late in the evening.
"Oh God," she realised. "We'll have to make sure they haven't had any babies!"
"Why?" I managed, wiping my eyes.
"How else are you gonna get a de-calf latte?"
Annnnd we lost it again, creating a whole scenario where the desktop cows had been specifically bred to be held and squeezed in particular spots to get the milk out of them.

Now, at this point it's also worth mentioning that we're stark raving mad. Dedicated readers will remember that we have what we call a "Cuddle" - a collection of teddy bears, each with their own names and personalities. So when I say that at this juncture Bearly - the littlest kodiak in the world, and a bear with a dedication to "bouncing" on things - piped up to "say" something, don't call the men in white coats. We know we're mental...honest!

"Are we getting a cow?" said Bearly.
"Nono," said d.
"Can I ride it?" said Bearly.
"No, we're not getting a-"
"I could bounce on it!"
"Nono, Bearly, no milkshakes," I added in.
"Can I ask?" I said, getting finally into bed.
"What?"
"What were you actually miming, before desktop cows wandered into our lives?"
"I can bounce on them though!"
"Nope, sorry buddy - there's a sign on my desk that says 'Keep off the cows!'"
"Awww..."
"Sorry."
"Sachets!" said d.
"What?"
"Sachets," she said again. "You've got sachets of that instant cappucino...stuff..."
I thought about it for a moment.
"Nah - I want a desktop cow now. Put it on your Christmas list, baby..."

Did I mention, you probably had to be there for this one...?