Blood yesterday was 5.9. Blood today - 6.0.
Tried to go for a walk twice today. Kinda failed both times. First time I let Ma know I'd be going past her place, and got invited in for coffee. Ended up staying for longer than planned and talking to her kitchen-builders about the Olympics (14 days from now, folks. We're officially into Prelympic Frenzy...(waves the world's smallest, hidden behind the Higgs Boson, flag)).
Went home via the library, joining on the way. Did some work, as I still, annoyingly, have to do for a living. Decided that come lunchtime, I'd give the walking a second shot. This time, got as far as a shop I needed to pop into. Picked up a thing that looked easy to carry, but turned out to be significantly heavier than anticipated. Decided the uphill walk could bite me, and went back home.
So all in all, have done less exercise than planned, but on the other hand, have eaten less than yesterday. Not starvation-less, I've had two meals, but calorifically less. Still craving chips, by the way...which brings me to something I read yesterday.
There was a story on the BBC News website yesterday about an exhibition at the Science Museum in London, featuring what is known as "the little brain" - the over hundred million neurons in the stomach and gut. That's more than are in the head of a cat. The "little brain" doesn't do much complex thinking of course, but apparently, it does genuinely influence the motional state of our "big brain". Butterflies in the stomach? Yep, a genuine reaction to fear, anxiety or excitement, beginning in the gut and getting transferred upstairs.
The story went on to explain some new thinking about the gastric bypass operation that I'm still bitching and working in order to avoid. The thought behind the op, apparently, has been that by reducing the physical size of the stomach, or its ability to expand, you reduce hunger.
But apparently, it's a little more complicated than that. It's all to do with Grehlin.
Grehlin's a hormone produced in the gut that appears to have an important role in making us feel hungry. By attaching the stomach lower down the gut, you reduce the ability of your system to produce what could be said ot be 'excess' Grehlin, and so you don't feel as hungry, or eat as much. The race is now on to develop a pharmaceutical anti-Grehlinate, or Grehlin-suppressant, that wouldn't involve slicing your innards open and re-attaching them in a slightly different configuration.
What I take from all this is a sense of understanding. In the wake of the binging last week, my mate Wendy said she thought I was like two people in conflict - one who wanted to Disappear, and the other who wanted to sabotage him and just eat everything. While this is a cop-out way of explaining my situation, it's kinda cute to think of myself this way - with my "big brain" in charge of the Disappearing, and the "little brain" in the gut sending ongoing messages, high as a kite on Grehlin, screaming "FEEEEEEED MEEEEEE!!!" like Audrey II in the Little Shop of Horrors. Doesn't explain the whole self-harming drive, but it's a cute thought that helps me rationalise the situation, even though it's probably just me bulshitting myself. Helps me not freak out when the cravings come. "Oh that's just the little Grehlin-junkie screaming," I'll say to myself, and try and push on down under orders from the big brain.
Now, excuse me - hospital calls. Dad seemed much better still last night - awake, alert, engaged, and tracking complex conversations and ideas. Let's see how he is tonight...
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