The Fat Pants of Shame

"See these?"

I saw them. d was showing me a part of our wardrobe. The part in which we'd put all my new clothes when we bought them - back when I was 15 stone.
"These are out of bounds for a while," she explained.
She wasn't being mean - she saw me Wednesday morning, puling a sweater that had fit me over a bulge that did it no favours. She knew that that whole day I'd felt uncomfortable, and like some sort of fake - like a balding guy with an atrocious comb-over, essentially, trying to persuade the world that what was happening to me wasn't happening. It's not exactly a mindset conducive to progress.

She handed me a pair of trousers from earlier in this journey.
"Till you can wear them comfortably, ok?" she said, hugging me.
"OK," I agreed.
"You shall wear the Fat Pants of Shame!" she intoned, and we broke into giggles.
Tomorrow I begin again with an exercise regime, AND - just so as we're clear - a healthier diet plan. Healthier than binging? Well yes, necessarily, but healthier than moderation too. We're putting away the frozen yoghurt maker for a while. Putting away the mindset of making allowances. But - and this is probably just as well too - we're also putting away a degree of mania that operates in the other direction. The fact is, there's been a good deal of slip-back. As d puts it, my belly had become something of, if by no means a six-pack, then at least a layer cake. Now...it's pretty much back to being a sponge.

That's not going to go away over night. A sense of proportion here is gonna be vital. This is gonna take time - at the medically recommended rate of two pounds per week, It will take me something like two months to get back to where I was, and break open the Good Bit of the wardrobe again. But I'm done with pretending it hasn't happened, that I'm really a 15-stone man who just needs a really good purge. I'm now a 16 stone-probably-odd man, who needs to work hard to push his weight down. This really is Starting Over - Focus, Hard Work, Keeping It At Least Passably Real, and Getting On With It. Let the Hunger Games begin again...