The Six Minute Orgasm

Now...you're gonna have to hear me out on this one.

Didn't walk this morning, because it was pissing down and...well, frankly, I had too much work to do. Went for the 'Pathways Walk' which dissolved into not-a-Pathways-Walk when it turned out to still be pissing down, and when Chris, our instructress, revealed she'd just bought curry and chips for her lunch. Paying her back for the time she let d and I get out of a Wednesday night's double-duty, I excused us from the walk and buggered off up to the gym for an hour.

No swim-gym combo tonight, because d made a declarative decision that we wouldn't go tonight, which is fair enough. Technically I've done my two stints for this week, and d will do hers on Saturday. I might go with her...maybe.

We met in Tescos, the local store, to get provisions for the next few days.

This is where you have to bear with me.

Feverish readers of the minutiae of my life will know that recently I've taken to eaten yoghurt, after a couple of years without a single dessert.

d picked up some Magnum chocolate ice cream lollies for herself, and then read me something.

"Y'know, these little Magnums are only 190 calories each..." she said.

"WHAT??" I almost yelled, bounding across the aisle to check she wasn't going ice-cream-blind. (Yep - I'm still bounding).
She wasn't going ice-cream blind. A small Magnum Infinity is actually smaller, in terms of calorific value, than, for instance, one banana and a bowl of low-fat yoghurt.

That's mad, of course, and I'm aware that there are calories and calories, but I bought some of those mini Magnums...
And had one after dinner.

No, this isn't a fall-back into Rumspringa, this is a genuine experiment. It seems impossible that they should be less calorific than my 'virgin sundaes'...but the information seems to hold.

I guess we'll see how it affects my blood sugar in the morning, and how it affects my Disappearing efforts.

First thing I'm going to do tomorrow is test my blood and bike. Second thing I'm going to do is order the waterproof MP3 player I've been whittering on about for months now. Gonna get back to the swimming probably next week. Walking on weekends. Biking and gyming whenever possible.

All of which is detracting from the experience of eating chocolate for the first time in two years.

I sniffed it first, and my nose hairs curled in anticipation, like the electric charge of skin beneath a lover's first touch. I slid it between my lips and simply held it there, like a kiss you don't want to lose, don't want to dare to deepen. The chocolate began to melt, dark, sweet, heady in my mouth.I took a tremulous breath, and bit, snapping the shell like innocence, and swallowed, licking lips, licking down and swirling, sucking on the surprising cold and bittersweet. For six long minutes I was in a world of my own, the world had shrunk to me and this tiny wonder. I devoured it, I worshipped and I swallowed it into myself...making little groaning, mewing noises all the while.

When I was done, and it was done, I laid its stick aside, and sprawled on the couch.

"How was it for you dear?" asked d.
"Ohhhh honey...don't leave me alone in the house with the rest of these....it's practically infidelity."
"I'm...erm...glad you enjoyed it honey," said d.

I licked my lips obsessively for about thirty seconds.

"D'you have a cigarette?" I asked.