An Ode To Agent Orange

Blood was high this morning - 6.9. Went walking at lunchtime, which was glorious in the sunshine.

Locked myself out when I did that of course. Was standing on the balcony, frustrated, when I got a text from Ma. "Apparently, the new doors are really tricky, so be careful..."

Yeah...thanks Ma...

Also had a text this morning from Karen Pulley.
"What's your email address? Want to send you something," she said. I waited with batied breath, and when it arrived, I laughed so hard that in days gone by, there would have been an orange accident.

You all know that this blog is basically All About Me. But Karen gave me permission to share this with you, and it's all her - though you also all know I can identify whole...well...assedly, with it. I give you "Oh Xenical How I've Missed You"...

Oh Xenical how I've missed you

Oh Xenical how I've missed that pale blue twinkle in your eye;
Your innocent appearance that we know is just a lie;
It's been a while, but let's get this clearly understood,
I know your game and am doing this only for my own good!

Oh Xenical how I've missed you and your messy orange goo,
Impossible to miss everytime I now go to the loo;
You do the job remarkably, for that i can be sure,
I just pray now for a toilet behind every single door!

Oh Xenical how I've missed you, unpredictable to the last,
I no longer trust the farts that echo from my arse;
Knowing that a follow through is likely every time,
I pity the poor bugger who is in the firing line!

Oh Xenical how I've missed the warning stomach cramps,
The racing to the toilet before things get mighty damp,
But credit, where credits due, you do your job quite adequately,
And stop the lardy fatty shit from flushing down the lavatory!

Oh Xenical how I've missed you - I'm serious, I have!
Had I taken you sooner, then things might not be so bad;
It's me and you now kiddo, you know it just makes sense,
You have to help me reach my goal before my time is spent.


For me, while there are laughs aplenty in this thing, that last verse is the killer. That's me. Hated taking the stuff, but miss the hard chemical truncheon-slap that would stop certain things even being an option in my life. Needed it when I began this journey, and possibly need it again even now, despite what my doctor says.

Oh, and on taking all the comments I've had on it, including from Christine, our Gym Instructress, I have decided against going the Atkins route. Which I guess means just pushing on with the hard-ass, rather than the lard-ass, approach to life.

Now, where's that frozen yoghurt...? Oh, right, the freezer - d'uh!