The Joy of the Green Jeanie...

 

Quite the newsy day, today. As d says, we've been working like a well-oiled machine, together and in the same direction.

Which, for the first day of a 

First of all, we went to Tenby, taking her toe along with us. It was unveiled, and a whole new concave basin of fresh puss was revealed. How did your Monday start?

d was brave while the puss was more or less scooped out of her living flesh. The podiatrist wasn't entirely able to say whether fresh puss was a good thing, a bad thing, or just a Monday, because, as she put it, "We can't tell whether it's been there building up for a while."

She did however give us some useful information on the availability of those automatic, non-stabby blood sugar monitors on the NHS, so we'll be pursuing that. In fact, d's taken an appointment with the local diabetic nurse to discuss that and more on the 8th July. 

The day I start my new job, or I'd be going too.

Had breakfast (d's braver than me - she went for post-pussfest omelettes, although now I think about it, I had a fried egg roll, with yolks that burst and oozed yellow liquid, so y'know, bravery is as bravery realizes, I guess), and then - on the first day off we've had together in a while - we did Tenby. Up it, down it - d bought me a book, I bought her a couple of scarves, I bought myself a glorious, outrageous hat, and we sauntered back to town.

Long story short, I start a new job a week today. A week Wednesday I schlepp some six hours or so by train up to Warwick to actually...y'know...meet these people in four dimensions. 

That means ideally abandoning my usual style of "Two sacks of shit preacariously tied together somewhere round the middle" and actually wearing Real People Clothes.

Most of me, of course, hates Real People Clothes, but I threw some things into an Amazon basket - most of which, if I'm honest, are disconcertingly green. In my head, probably, was some idea of the traditional Riddler look.

What I personally will look like in a mostly green ensemble is the oldest leprechaun in the Lucky Charms factory, but we persevere.

The point of telling you this is that I ordered the stuff from Amazon - and it mostly fit. By which I mean it all fitted in the important ways - the jacket (Green-ish) almost did up and just needed a couple of inches taking off the sleeves. The smart (significantly more green) jeans (proper, branded ones and all - they were a frigging steal, to the point where they've already jumped back up in price from what I got them for), didn't look like they'd fit.

"Oh, those are going straight back," said d as she saw me get one leg in.

"Let me just confirm," I said, sliding the other leg in.

And they fit. They did up. I could sit, stand, walk, do everything I need to do with The People in 'em. 

Now, granted they needed a good eight inches chopping off the bottom and tailoring because clearly, you're not supposed to have a bodily girth like mine unless you're at least six feet tall. But bugger it - there's a lovely seamstress on the Strand in the village who's doing both sets of alterations for under a tenner, so screw you, unrealistically tall standards. I shall be both short and stylish!

And...did I mention, very, very green? Like Kermit's unreliable uncle, wandering up to Warwick for quarterly meetings and - I kid you not - "corporate fun."

All of which is just to highlight the fact that I bought a bunch of random clothes - off the internet. 

And, with a little faffing about sleeves and quite a lot of faffing about the legs, they fit me.

If you've never been too big to wear off the peg clothes, this will entirely fail to connect with you.

But my big folk, my tall folk, and frankly women (because why would there be standard agreement on sizes) will get the point. Yes, there's lots of ground to cover, lots of change to make, but, for instance, when I started Disappearing the first time, this would never have been an option. I even had to buy an extra-special fancy-dancy exercise bike, because none of the click-and-buy ones you can get online were rated for my weight.

So, as the Monday between jobs goes, lots of time with my girl, an impressive puss-explosion, potential information towards better blood monitoring, and an ability to buy clothes off the electronic peg - and get 'em tailored to my needs. Not too freaking shabby.