The Payday Factor

I honestly don’t know what’s happened this week – from 18st 13 on Wednesday to significantly heavier than when I began this round of Disappearing, to who knows what will happen tomorrow – haven’t weighed in a couple of days, partly out of fear, partly out of confusion, but mostly because I’ve been too busy. Went walking today for the first time in a long while though – not far, admittedly, but found myself yesterday walking up a tiny hill to catch a train and puffing and wheezing like the train’s great great great grandfather. This is clearly not a good state of affairs, so this morning, there was walking. 

This morning, there was also, agreeably, payday, and so after a mercifully short Monday meeting for the day job, decamped to Cardiff for lunch and Starbuckery. So breakfast was pasta and bruschetta (always good to double down on carbs the day before a weigh-in, I’ve found), but the rest of the day has been largely liquid. Will that have any impact on the weigh-in? Frankly, have no idea – Nazi Scales are clearly kicking back against the idea of weighing my ass indefinitely. The weird thing is, I don’t know whether it’s the Scales being assholes, or my eyes and clothes, but I don’t feel as heavy as the Scales are weighing me, which is a possibly valid subjective judgment, and I know I haven’t done anything particularly stupid to earn the weight the Scales are showing. 

There are ways of thinking about that – possibly, I’m just on an optimistic upswing and seeing things better than they actually are. But frankly, it’d be a waste of time and energy to feel bad about feeling good, so let’s just say fuck it for now, feel as good as we can, read the Scales in the morning and go forward as well as we can. Maybe this is just the Payday Factor, glazing everything with a sheen of positivity and everything’s-cool. We’ll see how I feel by the end of tomorrow, when the Bill-Paying Poverty Factor kicks in.