Y'know how I can tell I'm back on the Disappearing kick properly?
Mainly, it's the urge to do violent things to other perfectly ordinary human beings. I'm telling you, there's a lesson here that explains why religious groups who are so keen on chastity a) get so mad at other people who have sex and b) often end up being led by people who are sexual deviants. You restrict your ability to have things you want, and suddenly, a little bitter seed of resentment is planted for those who have the freedom you're denying yourself in an attempt to be "better" on whichever scale you think is important.
Today, for me, it was a perfectly harmless guy in line at the bank.
He was already being served when I walked through the door. I could smell him immediately.
More accurately, I could smell the grease and vinegar of the fish and chips he had wrapped up in his thin, wuss-ass Lidl carrier bag, while he had some complex piece of financial chicanery (it's a bank, let's face it: chicanery is likely) explained to him. And for a good handful of seconds, I relished the fantasy of slamming his head down on the counter time after time after time and then forcing it under the glass, into that little curved tray through which all banking business has to be conducted.
Then I blinked, and he moved off...with his life and his head intact.
Now it should be noted that I wasn't even craving fish and chips. I haven't thought about fish and chips in weeks. Actually, what I was craving is something I haven't even tasted - there are ads on Facebook at the moment for four new weird-ass varieties of Kit-Kat - Coconut, Mint, Double Choc Fudge annnnnnd something else. Don't care. Want them all. All the Kit-Kats in all the world. Right here, right now, no arguments! Gimme!
But still, the olfactory memory, when it hit me, was a frying pan to my craving centres. So, luckily, the man in the bank escaped with his life and his lunch, but it was touch and go there for a minute.
Tonight, had great fun. Pal of d's from work called Louise, and her bloke, Mark, met us at the Dragonfly, and we had a fantastic evening of chat and laughs and getting to know each other better.
You know I've committed to this thing, but this time round, with a kind of permeable perspex box between me and all the stuff I want and can't have. That kind of kicked in tonight - had a burger and potato wedges and some mushrooms. Technically, this probably puts me over what I should have had today, but I'm not going to go mental about it.
No, really I'm not.
Honest. Just gonna get up tomorrow and treat it as a new day. Permeable perspex will at least keep me saner than full-on, unbreakable perspex. Whether it remains an effective weightloss strategy...I guess we'll find out at the weigh-in on Thursday.
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