Eyes Wide Shut

Blood was 6.2 this morning - pretty much par for the course at the moment.
I'm sitting here at a quarter to midnight, not exactly watching Eyes Wide Shut, the last filmic endeavour of Stanley Kubrick. And while I don't respect....well pretty much anything that I've ever seen of Kubrick's (he seems to me to have been given a voice expressly to piss people off and waste the time of their lives...), Eyes Wide Shut is a pretty good description of my attitude towards Disappearing today - no exercise to speak of, good hearty meals, including an Indian festival of calories quite late in the night.

I'm refusing to think about this though - Eyes wide shut while doing, quite possibly, a Thelma and Louise over the cliff of consequence.

I figure it'll be what it'll be. I'm going to do some solid exercise this weekend, and then this second weekend - the joys of Jubilee, people! - and what will be come Tuesday will be. I'm absolutely not going to keep myself up at night worrying about everything I've eaten, what I've done and what I haven't done.

While talking to my pal Mae this afternoon, she introduced me to another new diet plan - the Tesco Diet. As far as I know at this stage, it's a diet that involves buying up land, launching megastores full of jacked-up produce, and putting small, independent retailers out of business. I'm sure it probably works, cos it sounds exhausting, but I have to ask myself - do I have that sort of time on my hands?

Talking to Mae's friend Mo, who I met today for the first time, I said something which makes some sense to me. (This happens so rarely it's worth recording, you understand?)

I feel sort of like I'm in the swimming pool, close to the bank, except the bank is high, and however hard I try and get purchase on it, it's always jusssst slightly out of reach. Ahat I need to do is reach up and grasp the bank (which, were this a dream, would have the word "Discipline" written across it in mosaic tiles), and pull myself back up onto dry land. The alternative is to shut my eyes (wide, as it were), and sink beneath the water, and then drown...

Sigh...
Tuesday will be what Tuesday will be. The point, I think is that it'll be that...when it'll be that. That's not now - still got a whole weekend left before the Nazi Scales get to pronounce judgment this week. A couple of days to try and grab the bank and pull up. Let's see what happens, shall we?