Thanksgiving

I did a weird thing yesterday. Just as I came around the corner of the park next to my house, I said thank you.

Now, this is weird. As I've probably mentioned ad nauseum, I'm an atheist - I don't believe there's an external lifegiving intelligence, ordering destiny about. So who the Hell was I thanking?

Well, the answer to that, I suppose, is anyone.

My mother is an occasional visitor of spiritualists and mediums, and I have been known to pop along myself. Because while I think we can be as sure as we need to be that there's no universal ordering force, I can pseudo-science my way to the idea of consciousness-survival. I don't claim this is something that actualy happens, or that it needs to happen for humans any more than it needs to happen for any other kind of creature, I'm not advocating for the specialness of humanity...but if you abandon all we know about traditional science and wander into the open-minded territory of science fantasy, trust me when I tell you you can make the case, step by step. As I say, I don't claim this happens, I'm not someone who believes this happens, but I'm more open minded about the potential for consciousness-survival.

Ma recently went to a spiritualist, and apparently, plenty of people popped up, including my bio-dad, Brian. This was interesting to me, cos the last time she went to one, he popped up then too, and apparently said that I'd be fine, but I had to watch my health. That was a couple of months before I started this Disappearing lark.

Again, I'm not saying that in any way, this 'warning' was an inspiration for this experiment. It wasn't. I genuinely just stopped eating some things, and started Disappearing. And again, I find myself on the back foot, because I'm not, at this late stage, claiming I was helped from beyond the grave to get as far as I've gotten so far. You may have noticed, I'm something of a master at taking credit for the tiniest positive thing. I just suddenly had the thought that while I've done this, IF you accept that people continue to exist after material death, and IF you accept the idea that there are people who, being dead, still give a toss about what happens to you, then why not occasionally give them the benefit of a nod, and an occasional thank you.

So I said it - to Brian, to my gran, Peggy, to John, who you've heard of before, to...whoever there is, because this year has seen me change beyond almost all recognition, and in a positive direction. I don't mean just the Disappearing itself, I mean something about the scope of my life, that has allowed me to do it, allowed me to think a whole different way, allowed me to plan to go Home. This kind of change is pretty much exactly the sort of thing that makes people think there's something bigger than themselves, some guiding force making things possible for them. I say again, I'm quite happy to take credit for it all myself...but hey, if anyone's out there giving me a kick and a hand...why not say thank you?

Then tonight, d and I met up for what we unofficially dubbed "Night 1" of our "Farewell Tour". A trip to Mile End, to our favourite Chinese restaurant in the city, now that our friend Yuen's family place has closed down - the Golden Bird. If you get a chance, go - it's a short stroll from Mile End station.

They did us proud tonight, with crispy chicken and beef, ribs and rice. At the end of the night, we had a long chat with the manageress, told her our story, and the part she and her place had played in it. She knew us of old, and told us we were always smiling and laughing, so we were always a pleasure to see. We told us she'd given us great birthdays, amazing new years, bubbly aniversaries, and fantastic memories that we'd take with us. We gave thanks for her, and all that she'd given us.

And then we came home, thankful for all our past together, and thankful to be moving on to a future that excites us.

What are you thankful for this year?

Blood this morning - still high. 6.0.