Sueing Mary Poppins For Damages

Complaint:

1. The National Amalgamated Union of Woodland Creatures and Disappearers (NAUWOOCaDs), hereafter known as The Plaintiff, is bringing a complaint against:
a) The Princess Snow White, and
b) The Nanny Mary Poppins.

2. The Complaint consists of a statement that:
a) The Princess Snow White did knowingly oppress a number of woodland creatures, including deer, doves, chipmunks and a family of bluebirds (who have chosen to remain anonymous at this time), and did knowingly take credit for their labour, in particular in relation to the Dwarvic Mining Consortium. Said Princess, it is alleged, extorted board and lodging out of the Consortium as a 'Housekeeper', while not, in fact, getting off her perfectly-drawn Princess arse. The Plaintiff is sueing for proper reparation for their back-breaking labours, and for the misrepresentation of housework as something as easy as a singalong.
b) The Nanny Mary Poppins did likewise knowingly misrepresent the exhausting labour of housework, claiming that if you 'find the fun', the job would become 'a game'. This is clearly and palpably untrue, to the extent that Poppins was forced to resort to the black arts and child labour to get the job done. The Plaintiff is co-sueing, with Master and Miss M and J Banks, for misrepresentation and damages.

The Plaintiff is also representing two other co-complainants, Tony and d of Stratford, London, both of whom claim mental and physical distress, having been raised to believe both Snow White and Mary Poppins in their assertions of the easiness of housework, and having therefore decided to clean their one bedroom apartment over the weekend of 12th-13th November 2011. Attempts to coax friendly bluebirds to doing the work on their behalf failed on two counts: 1) It's November, bluebirds have all fucked off south for the winter, and 2) Robins are miniature raptors, and when invited in, the little bastards shat all over the bedroom.

Attempts to turn the job into a game via a 'spoonful of sugar' and finger-snap magic resulted in the co-complainants being cornered by a ravenous, demon-possessed chest of drawers and a bookcase full of vampire bats.

The Plaintiff is demanding damages to the extent of half of the Charmings' kingdom, and seeking an injunction to stop Ms Poppins from practicing as a Nanny or in any other field in which she might be called upon to practice housewifery.

The Complaint rests.