The Pre-Us Belt

Bwahahaaaa! Fear the power of the Master Suit! Bow down before its Awesome Stripy Glory! Gaze into the crimson of its lining and feel your puny will crumble!!

Erm...as you might be suspecting by now, my Big Meeting went rather well. So yay me and all things connected with me, even tangentially, including this blog. I rule all today and that's all there is to it.

Bit of a panic this morning though - the suit doesn't look entirely right without a belt, and bizarrely, we couldn't find one at something godawful like 6.30 this morning as we stumbled around in the dark, bumping into each other and cursing softly.

"Here you go," said d, finding a coil of leather and throwing it on the bed.
It was cracked all around the last conceivable hole at which it could possibly have done up.
"OK," I said, and - because this is the kind of thing that takes two at sparrowfart o'clock, we threaded the belt through its loops. I did it up without thinking on the second - uncracked - hole.
"Oh my God," said d, realising the Huge Significance of this. She can do this sort of thing before sun-up. I have no idea how.
"You know what this is?" she asked.
"It's early," I said.
"No," she said.
"Ohhh but it is," I said, not at that precise moment recalling the days earlier this year when I'd be springing out of bed at this time and walking five miles.
"It's a pre-us belt," she explained.
"A wha-huh?" I asked.
"It's a belt from the time before you and I existed - before we got together."
I blinked.
"That would explain what it was doing lurking at the back of the drawer," I admitted.
"And even then, you could only do it up on the last hole, by the looks of it."
"I'm 32," I teased. "At  most."
"Wow," she said, before packing me off into the ludicrous winter dark.

Gratifyingly, a couple of people who haven't seen me in a while were due to be at the Big Meeting, and most of them commented about the weightloss, and how much better I was looking. Even my mate Sally-Anne, once I donned the Awesome Stripy Glory of the Master Suit, was struck by it.
"Oh. Blimey - yeah, I can see it now..." she said.

So all hail the Master Suit for its stripy slimmingness and ultimate power. A good day.