11th February - The Sweetcorn Transit Experiment

"Here you go, honey," said d, handing me a lovely bowlful of Mexican goodness, with a whole heck of a lot of sweetcorn in the middle.
I smiled, then looked across at her. "This is about what I told you, isn't it?"
She grinned. "Mayyyybe."

You see, there's probably such a thing as oversharing. Anyone who's read many of the entries in the original Disappearing Man probably understands that I don't know where the line is. Y'know, that line where ordinary conversation ends and oversharing begins.

On the day of my weigh-in, I'd met up with d after her shift, and mentioned that, while I'd weighed heavier than I'd hoped to, mid-morning, I'd entirely exploded and wondered what I would have weighed if I could have pressed the Nazi Scales into service right then and there. That much you all know.

What you don't know is what I then said to her.
"Thing is, as I was about to flush, I was utterly perplexed."
She looked at me with a "Why are you telling me this and do I even want to know?" expression on her face.
"I was trying to remember the last time I ate bloomin' sweetcorn," I explained, not at the time registering her expression. "Don't think it was in the Mexican rice, was it?"
It wasn't, she agreed.
"Christ - then it must be from the pizza I had two days ago!"
She looked perplexed, then a dawning look of dread passed over her face. "Jesus, man! I know your blood pressure's chilled out as it comes, but that's taking sloth to a whole new level. I'll get you some 'special yoghurt,' shall I?"

And that had been that - although of course, secretly it hadn't. Secretly, in the background of my day to day life, I'd been calculating how much weight I could legitimately take off the weigh-in figure for two days of accumulated food which I was walking around carrying the weight of without it tehnically being a part of me.

Don't judge me, it's a sickness, alright?!

"Mayyyybe," said d now. "I figured we could actually track the time of your intestinal transit."
"Y'know, most people would find that a bit weird."
"Give it up," she chuckled, "I know you've been thinking about it."

Curses! Rumbled again.