The Self-Disgusting Paradigm

In the words of Tony Hancock, "That is it - That is all."

I'm done being this way. Am avoiding my reflection in mirrors, shop windows and shiny surfaces again. Clothes barely stretch to fit me. I went down to the garbage room to throw out some bags last night, and by the time I got back to the flat I was winded and my heart was pounding. This can't be allowed to continue.
Oh - last weigh-in, this week, was 18st 9.5. (Shrugs). Still half a stone from where I re-started last, but I just can't keep going like this, it's exhausting.

That's the thing a lot of people don't understand. You actually have to work at the mindset of self-destruction to get to be this way: at least, I do.
I'm done. I'm just done with it. Today I have barely time to dash this off in amid a thousand other things to do - not unlike ten years ago today, when I was running around London like a mad bastard, ticking things off the pre-wedding lists. Think this was the day I booked the guitarist to play the throughout the day. Although fairly sure our American friends were here by then, so this may have been the London Zoo day.

Anyhow - am roughly the size I was ten years ago today, which is less good than I'd like. But as I say, while I barely have time to breathe today (just as well really if going up and down stairs is going to tire me out), we go away to the sea for a week beginning tomorrow. There will be no falling over plant pots and breaking toes. There will be walking. Lots and lots of walking. I can't put up with this shit any more.