The Universal Inversion

I have no idea what's going on any more.
Had a dreadful night Sunday and spent most of the night trapped in the bathroom. The result was that when I woke up Monday morning feeling significantly lighter, I though I'd chance a sneaky unofficial weigh in.
18st 4.75!

'Fuck offfff!' I yelled at the Nazi Scales. I knew I hadn't had a great week, but there didn't seem any fairness to that result. I went away for a good fume.

That night, d had a yen to make pizza from scratch. Dough like a lover's embrace, homemade tomato sauce like the kiss that turns a day to fire, toppings laid out like blindfolded trust, and cheese that trapped them like a secret beyond all the shades of grey.

It was a damn good pizza. But of course it was pizza, so I kind of woke up Tuesday morning with a nugget of dread in my heart for the judgment of the Nazis.
18st 2.75, they said.
'What?!' I demanded. 'What the fuck do you mean?! I empty myself and weigh more than when I stuff myself with the pizza of the gods, what the-'
'Let it go, honey,' said d, with a sweet little smile that belonged in an episode of Bewitched. I was watching for the nose-wiggle, I promise you. 'It's the universe's way of telling you you have abbbbbsolutley no control over anything.'
I blinked.
'Erm...thanks,' I said.

So there it is - barely moved after quite a bad and undisciplined week. Need to get my ass - and the rest of me, actually - in gear again and push back beneath the 18 stone border.
Going away for a long weekend on Friday - there will be eating out, but there could also be long walks in the forest, so we'll see which side of the Force is bigger and better next Tuesday.