Monday, 14 April 2014

The Gestapo Phone

Argh - continuing mad mentalness prevents me from a) blogging every night as planned, and b) getting back on the rediscovered bike as much as I'd like. However, did begin walking again this week, though in a somewhat cavalier and dilletante fashion.

Have a new phone that threatens to take over every aspect of my life. Need to find a way to do edits on the thing and then basically I don't need The Real World at all. Most particularly, being Samsung, it's pre-installed with a kind of eugenically-influenced exercise programme of which the Nazi Scales could only be proud. I only figured out today how the bloody thing works - it can track how many steps you've walked, how far you've run, what workouts you've performed and what, precisely you've shoved down your neck. It can then compare your achievements against daily targets to reach an annual goal. Get this - it told me how many pounds I needed to lose in the next year to be on the outside borders of my target weight for my age, height, gender etc, and then, after quite a circuitous journey of some three miles, told me I was about 4000 steps short of my daily target. It tells me I should be eating a little over 3000 calories a day, and burning off around 800. I'm in half a mind to elope with it, and half a mind to punch it very hard and very firm in its shiny little screen and stick its stylus where the sun doesn't shine. Anyhow, I don't intend to consume anything like 3000 calories today, and so far haven't - Sloppy Joes for dinner, true, but...hell, there's veg and protein in there, right? And clearly haven't burned off my regulation 800 calories, so the Gestapo Phone, as I have  a mind to call it, can kiss my stinky trainers for the day. Far too busy to entirely give my life over to its diktats just yet.

Maybe Wednesday...

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